Lifestyle Trends

Wanted: Older Adult Looking for Love
For seniors who have lost a spouse, either through divorce or death, dating again can be daunting. While some things haven’t changed, like being nervous on the first date, online dating can be a whole new ball game. Click here to view article.

John Deurwaarder, 97, is proof that it’s never too late to fall in love again. After his wife died four years ago, his life seemed to fall apart, and he struggled with loneliness, depression and poor eating habits. But when he met Alta Lunsford, 78, at a choir practice at his retirement home, his life started to change, and the two were married. “She built me up and gave me a purpose in life.” Deurwaarder said. “She’s changed my life.”

Lunsford agrees: “The most amazing thing about all this is here I am an old lady, and I am head-over-heels in love. I didn’t know old people fell in love” (“More people over 65 find marriage, love,” July 29, 2012,Columbian).

That fact can be a revelation to older people who unexpectedly find themselves in a new romance.

“In the past, it would have been seen as silly or ridiculous to be in a passionate romantic situation at 65,” Pepper Schwartz, a University of Washington sociologist and AARP’s love and relationships expert, told the Columbian. “If your marriage ended, you were done. There would have been less people getting together at all.”

Today’s longer life expectancy has changed that perception. “We are looking at very long periods of time,” Schwartz said. “If you get married at 65, you could be together for 30 years. That may seem like a long enough time to get married.”

Many who have lost their spouses choose to stay single, seeking close relationships with children and friends. However, for those who feel too young to give up on an intimate relationship, there are new options for finding an eligible partner. Those who have been away from “playing the field” for a while will find that dating is a whole new ballgame. For one thing, online dating is one of the main ways that singles find each other now. By answering questions that categorize your preferences, finding a date online is a more scientific process, where less is left to chance. Yet that first date can still elicit the same nervousness and anticipation as when you were a teenager.

Dating Tips for Older Adults

While some of the social norms have changed since the first time you dated (a more lenient attitude toward sex, for example), others remain the same: Trust your instincts about someone. One change is that it’s no longer a hard and fast rule that men initiate the first date or always pick up the check. Women can make that first phone call or send the initial email, and offer to pay half the price of the date.

For women who are meeting a man for the first time, it’s a good idea to tell a friend where you are going and to meet in a public place. And just like you did in high school, a group date is a good way to get to know someone without pressure.

Besides searching for a date online (see section below on “Navigating Online Dating”), there are good places to find others who share your interests (and age):

• Senior centers, which offer a range of activities
• The gym, where you’ll meet other active seniors
• Events for your grandchildren, whether baseball games, music recitals or school plays, which other proud grandparents are attending
• Classes, such as dance, cooking or continuing education
• Your church or temple, where many seniors have active roles
• Volunteer projects that especially appeal to older folks, such as helping other seniors

Complications of Intimacy

One aspect of dating that can be more challenging for seniors is sex. A woman wrote to the Senior Dating website that she met a “gentleman” on eHarmony and had a lovely time during their three dates. “He also asked to kiss me at the end of our dinner date. On the cheek was acceptable to me. Am I too slow? Or is this the norm? I need to be enlightened.”

Beyond negotiating the emotional issues of sex are the physical. Many older people who are either divorced or have lost a spouse have often not been sexually active for years. Over the years, your body has changed and may not be as flexible as it once was (“Tips On Getting Back In The Saddle,” July 31, 2012, Helpful Relationship Advice for Seniors).

Many women who have gone through menopause find it difficult or painful to have sexual intercourse. This can usually be remedied by using a simple lubricant. Men may be concerned about erectile dysfunction, which affects about 1 in every 10 men over the age of 50. To help, many effective medications are on the market.

One issue seniors might not consider is safe sex. Even though older adults may not need to worry about pregnancy, seniors can easily contract incurable sexually transmitted diseases. To be on the safe side, get tested or use safe-sex practices if you have more than one partner.

Navigating Online Dating

Seniors are jumping on the Internet dating bandwagon. According to one study from Bowling Green State University, people over 60 represent the most rapidly growing demographic in online dating (“Top 5 Dating Sites for Seniors,” Feb. 8, 2013 Senior Planet).

Despite the Internet’s popularity, it can be a whole different world for an older generation not familiar with modern attitudes.

Seniors often value their privacy more than the younger generation. On the Senior Dating website, a 58-year-old man wrote that he lived in a small town and was “embarrassed to post my picture on an online dating site. I . . . feel that if someone in town sees my pic I would ruin my chances to meet someone offline. How do I protect myself from the local town rumor mill? I have a high profile in town and many people ‘know me.’”

Joining an online dating service means losing some of your privacy. After you sign up (see suggestions in sidebar for a list of online sites), you post a profile, with pictures, about yourself and your interests, so potential dates know what kind of person you are and what kind of person you’re looking for. For someone like the 58-year-old who worries about being exposed, you can go more slowly by entering chat rooms on the site and starting a conversation with the whole group or an individual.

Online dating has its own rules:

• If someone doesn’t respond to your email, don’t take it personally.
• If someone contacts you and you’re not interested, politely respond with a “thanks, but no thanks.”
• If you decide at the end of a date that you never want to see this person again, wait until you get home and notify them by email.
• If you’ve had a wonderful time, express this and tell them you’ll call or email them.
• Create a new email account specifically for online dating. This prevents people from searching on your normal email address to find out more information about you. Similarly, use a cell phone or anonymous phone service to chat.
• Beware of married people who can hide behind online dating services.
• Watch out for warning signs in your communication. As you chat via email and on the phone, you may notice controlling behavior or anger issues, for example.
• Stick with paid online dating services, where members must provide a credit card or other information that identifies them.
• Be cautious. Some online dating services claim to offer background checks, but there are no rules about what that constitutes. It’s better not to let your guard down.

  Sources

  “Senior Dating Rules,” Love to Know Senior Citizens

  “Getting Started With Senior Dating,” Spark.com

  Senior-Dating

  “Tips On Getting Back In The Saddle,” July 31, 2012 Helpful Relationship Advice for Seniors

  “Online Dating Safety Tips” Online Dating Magazine

  “Love in Your Later Years: 100 Sex and Dating Tips for Seniors,” Senior Communities Blog

  “More people over 65 find marriage, love,” July 29, 2012, Columbian

  “How to Date If You’re Over 65 Years Old,” Wikihow

Online Dating Services for Seniors

There’s an online dating service to meet just about every need: Christians, gays, even people seeking sugar daddies or sugar daddies seeking mates. Dating websites offer a catalog of single people your age, with photos and lists of the qualities you’re looking for in a new partner. The two most popular sites are Match.com and eHarmony.com, and many dating websites cater to seniors.

Senior Planet chose five online dating sites that they found senior friendly:

• Match.com lists 2.5 million seniors out of its more than 17 million members.
• eHarmony has more than 20 million registered users and a Compatibility Matching System, which claims to find the most compatible matches based on your profile.
• AARP Dating allows users to propose a date or scan dates that potential partners have proposed, and thus find a person with the same interests.
• OurTime is one of the most popular dating sites catering to those over 50, with profile questions that seniors would find important, such as “Are you a punctual person?”
• OkCupid has more than 3.5 million active users.

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Your Money
Keep Your Identity to Yourself

Prevention is the best option to stop criminals from stealing your personal information – and your good name. However, if identity theft happens and to prevent more damage, you should immediately contact your financial institutions and law enforcement agencies. Click here to view article.

At one time, being old enough to get a Social Security card was a badge of becoming an adult and being able to find a job. Now it’s a sign of our vulnerability to identity thieves.

Identity theft affects more than 11 million Americans annually, or 7 percent of all households (Statistic Brain).The consequences range from frustrating—having to contact all the places where you have credit or money—to serious— damaging your credit status, and more. In fact, the ways in which criminals can assume your identity and wreak havoc are only limited by the thief’s imagination. They include:

• Opening new credit card accounts in your name and not paying the bills, so the delinquent accounts appear on your credit report
• Opening a new phone or wireless account in your name, or running up charges on your existing account
• Cloning your ATM or debit card and making electronic withdrawals using your name, thus draining your accounts
• Getting government benefits with your name and Social Security number
• Renting a house or getting medical services under your name

Seniors Vulnerable

While older adults are proud of the fact they have built up a good credit rating, this factor makes them more vulnerable to identity theft. In California, street gangs targeted the accounts of elderly bank clients, bribing bank insiders to steal their personal information, so the thieves could forge the clients’ signatures and create phony accounts (Identity Protection.com). Older adults can be more trusting and may give strangers financial or Medicare information too easily.

They also often have caregivers, whether a family member or outside party, who are in a position to exploit them, stealing medical or financial papers from desks or file cabinets, for example. Seniors may be reluctant to report the theft because they are afraid of losing their independence or are ashamed of becoming a victim. If you have strangers coming to your home, whether caregivers or plumbers, it’s a good idea to keep important papers in a secure place, such as a lock box or safe.

Taking Preventive Measures

As the saying goes, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” You can take precautions that make you less vulnerable to those who want your identity.

If thieves can get your full name, Social Security number (even just the last four digits) and your date of birth, they can get access to everything you have, says Hazel Heckers, a victim advocate with the Colorado Bureau of Investigation’s ID Theft/Fraud Investigation Unit). Crooks are also happy to get any financial information, such as debit and credit card numbers, as well as passwords.

Criminals can get information using old-fashioned methods, such as stealing checks out of your mailbox or breaking into your home or car. Even easier than a break-in is going through your trash. Thieves might find a pre-approved credit offer, for example, which you tossed into the garbage because you weren’t interested. To prevent identity theft, shred receipts, credit card offers, bank statements, returned checks and any other sensitive information before throwing it away. (You can remove your name from mailing lists for pre-approval lines of credit by participating in the Consumer Credit Reporting Industry’s “Opt Out” program. Call 1-888-5-OPTOUT [1-888-567-6868] to enroll or go the website.)

Perhaps more effective are the high-tech methods. Skimming is when crooks steal your credit card information at the point of sale—whether an ATM, the grocery store or a restaurant. For example, thieves can install a small electronic device on an ATM or gas pump that captures a customer’s cred¬it and debit card information, including their PIN, with each card swipe.

Heckers recommends using a well-attended gas station that you’re familiar with, and use the pump closest to the attendant building. Visit ATMs (or better yet, banks) that are attached to banks and avoid going on weekends, because surveillance tapes are not viewed until Monday, when the identity thieves are long gone. In the grocery store, use self-checkouts where the store checker is available to help, which means that checkout is a less accessible target for thieves.

Heckers compares not being cautious with your personal identification data to keeping $300,000 in your car. Few of us would be that confident that no one would break in (or that we’d remember to lock the car). The risk is similar if you have a weak password on your online financial accounts or if you give a phone solicitor your birthdate.

Being cautious with your personal information is the first step in protecting your identity. Don’t share your personal identification data unless you have to (with a Social Security representative, for example), or unless you initiated a call. If someone requests your birthdate, for instance, ask why they need it and how they will protect it. Only conduct financial business with the people you know and trust, and especially be careful when giving out personal information over the phone. Identity thieves may pose as representatives from banks or government agencies. Most legitimate businesses won’t contact you over the phone, and if you have any doubts, hang up and call the business’s customer service department.

When traveling, go as light as possible, not just with clothes, but also with ID information. Heckers advises to carry only what you need: driver’s license or photo ID, insurance information, one credit or debit card and a limited number of checks and cash. Before you leave, photocopy the front and back of all the cards in your wallet and leave the copies in a safe place at home. Even if you’re not traveling, it’s a good idea to have a list of account numbers, expiration dates and telephone numbers filed away so that you can easily contact creditors if any of your financial or personal information is stolen.

Make sure your computer is as protected as your house or car. Electronic firewalls will thwart hackers from accessing your financial accounts, stealing your passwords or getting other personal information. An anti-spyware program protects your computer from data-mining, aggressive advertising, malicious software, malware, browser hijackers and tracking components. Do not respond to suspicious emails or pop-up requests because they are likely “phishing” for your personal information. Place password protection on all credit card accounts.

Monitor credit card statements every month to see if there are charges that you didn’t make. (Keeping your receipts for each transaction, though time consuming, can help, especially if your memory isn’t as good as it once was.)

Taking Action After the Fact

If you are victimized, take action immediately to prevent the thief from doing more damage. The Federal Trade Commission advises contacting the following (“Identity Theft,” Federal Trade Commission):

• Your financial institution. Call the phone number on your account statement or on the back of your credit or debit card.
• Your local police. Keep a copy of the police report, which will make it easier to prove your case to creditors and retailers.
• Credit-reporting bureaus. Ask them to flag your account with a fraud alert, which asks merchants not to grant new credit without your approval.

Three national credit-reporting companies (Equifax, 1-800-525-6285; Experian, 1-888-397-3742; andTransUnion, 1-800-680-7289) keep records of your credit history. If someone has misused your personal or financial information, call one of the companies and ask for an initial fraud alert, which is free. You must provide proof of your identity. Whichever company you call must tell the other credit-reporting companies about the alert. (Be aware that you are not obligated to buy additional services that the credit reporting companies are likely to try and sell.)

The initial alert, which stays on your credit report for at least 90 days, allows you to order one free copy of your credit report from each of the three credit-reporting companies. Ensure the credit-reporting companies have your current contact information so they can get in touch with you.

If you know which of your accounts has been tampered with, contact the related business(es). Talk to someone in the fraud department and follow up in writing. Send letters by certified mail and ask for a return receipt so that you can create a record of your communications. For more resources, see the sidebar.

Sources

“Hitting Close to Home: The States Where Identity Theft is Worst,” Identity Protection.com

“Identity Theft,” Federal Trade Commission

“Identity Theft Types,” Colorado Bureau of Investigation

“Prevent and Report Identity Theft,” USA.gov

“How to Prevent Identity Theft,” Transunion

Resources

If your identity has been stolen, you can use an ID Theft Affidavit from the Federal Trade Commission to report the theft to most of the parties involved. Fill out the affidavit with your information plus the details of the fraud. Law enforcement then files the affidavit and uses it for disputes with credit-reporting agencies and creditors. All three credit bureaus and many major creditors have agreed to accept the affidavit. Visit ftc.gov/idtheft to use a secure online version that you can print for your records or call 1-877-ID-THEFT.

Some states also provide assistance. For example, the Colorado Bureau of Investigation has a toll-free Identity Theft & Fraud 24-Hour Hotline (1-855-443-3489) and Victim Assistance Program (303-239-4649). Check with law enforcement agencies in your state.

Seniors can get extra assistance from federal government agencies. The Department of Health & Human Services Administration on Aging has a toll-free abuse hotline (1-800-677-1116) that will aid you in finding local contacts and resources to help with your specific situation. Or contact theNational Center on Elder Abuse.

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Medical News
Creaky Knees? Don’t Just Sit There!
Knee problems are an unfortunate side effect of aging, as inevitable wear and tear causes deterioration. One option for relief is knee replacement surgery, although in many cases exercise can help you manage pain and delay or avoid surgery.
Click here to view article.

The demand for knee replacements from those age 45 to 64 has tripled in the past 10 years to more than 254,000 in 2009, the latest year for which statistics are available (“Baby Boomers’ demand, expectations for new knees soar,” USA Today). This increase may be a result of the many baby boomers who have led active lives—skiing, hiking, running, bicycling—and want to stay fit into their older years. While many turn to knee replacement surgery, it often can be delayed or prevented by exercise.

Causes of Knee Problems

Unfortunately, aging is one of the risk factors for developing knee pain. The older we get, the more wear and tear we experience. As the largest joint in the body, one that bears much of the body’s weight when walking and running, the knee is vulnerable to deterioration. A lifetime of exercising and moving takes a toll on cartilage, made worse by the fact that older bodies don’t recover from injuries as quickly as they once did and that we tend to gain weight as we age.

A primary cause of knee pain in older adults is osteoarthritis, which occurs when articular cartilage breaks down around the knee. Cartilage acts as a cushion or shock absorber, and when this padding is lost, bones grind together, causing pain, bone spur formation and decreased motion. Cartilage degeneration can cause chronic joint inflammation, resulting in swelling or stiffness and a loss of flexibility. Over time, this inflammation can further break down cartilage, and if left untreated, cartilage may wear away completely.

Osteoarthritis, which can affect any of the body joints, is one of the five leading causes of disability among older men and women. The risk for disability from this form of arthritis is as great as that from cardiovascular disease (Aging Knee,” Lifebridge Health).

As we age, the ability of cartilage to heal itself decreases, and muscles, in general, may shrink in size by roughly 40 percent, which reduces strength. To compensate, we may put more pressure on muscles in the hips and legs, leaving us more vulnerable to knee pain.

Genetics and gender play a role too. After the age of 50, women are more likely to develop chronic knee pain than men, and the robustness of cartilage you inherited from your parents can mean the difference between more or less cartilage deterioration.

One of the biggest factors for developing osteoarthritis is weight, because the more you weigh, the greater load your knees have to bear. Shedding extra pounds can make a big difference. Every pound of body weight is equal to five extra pounds of force on your knees (“Hip and Knee Replacements on the Rise,” WebMd).

Researchers are investigating other risk factors, including the impact of vitamins C and D deficiency, poor posture or bone alignment, poor aerobic fitness and muscle weakness.

How Surgery Works

Knee replacement surgery is the most common type of joint replacement surgery. During the operation, the surgeon makes an 8- to 12-inch cut in front of the knee, removes the damaged part of the joint from the bones’ surfaces and shapes the surfaces to hold a metal or plastic artificial joint. The artificial joint is attached to the thigh bone, shin and knee cap, either with cement or a special material. When fit together, the attached artificial parts form the joint, relying on the surrounding muscles and ligaments for support and function (WebMD).

Those who get a knee joint replacement stay in the hospital, on average, three to five days and start experiencing dramatic improvement in the use of their knee one month or more after surgery, although most people aren’t walking on their own until six weeks after the surgery.

An emerging procedure, not yet widely used or researched, is minimally invasive surgery, which employs specialized techniques and instruments to enable the surgeon to perform major surgery without a large incision. The smaller incision, 3 to 5 inches, results in less tissue damage by allowing the surgeon to work between the fibers of the quadriceps muscles instead of cutting through the tendon. This method may lead to less pain, decreased recovery time and better motion due to less scar tissue formation.

A downside to knee replacement surgery is the lack of research to determine the implant’s longevity and whether another will be necessary. People are encouraged to talk with their physician about potential future complications.

In many cases, doctors encourage patients with knee problems to try other approaches first, including physical therapy, weight loss, range-of-motion exercises, stretches and devices that offer knee support. Doctors also advise switching to exercises easier on the knee, such as running on a treadmill instead of pavement, and to work out in moderation.

Best Types of Exercise

Knee experts recommend three types of exercise. While stretching helps maintain or increase flexibility and also relieve knee stiffness, strengthening workouts aid in preserving or improving muscle strength, which supports and protects arthritic joints. Aerobic or endurance exercises boost heart function, enhance blood circulation and help control weight. Some studies show that aerobic exercise can reduce swelling in some joints.

Good exercises for osteoarthritis are low-impact, including swimming. Stretching, such as with tai chi or yoga, before and after you exercise is also important.

One way to take pressure off the knees is to pay attention to and strengthen the muscles around the knees, which adds much-needed joint support. To develop surrounding muscles—particularly quadriceps and hamstrings—as well as core muscles—obliques, lower back, upper thigh—WebMD suggests knee extensions, hamstring curls, leg presses and flexibility exercises.

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The Alzheimer’s Association Green-Field Library is excited to celebrate National Library Week! Located at the national headquarters in Chicago, we’re one of the largest library and resource centers devoted to increasing the knowledge about Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias.
Get to know Green-Field! Check out:

Virtual Library ?

Online Catalog ?

Resource Lists ?

There’s no shortage of information on Alzheimer’s disease, but where to start? What articles offer practical answers? Which resources can you trust?
Our expert library staff has assembled a collection of the most useful, informative and up-to-date books, journals, research studies, videos, databases, social media resources and more. And it’s free!
Get started online now at alz.org/library or call us at 800.272.3900 to learn more.
Happy Library Week!
Donate today to help us create more resources like the Green-Field Library.

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Dealing with Alzheimer’s can cause family tension

Alzheimer’s disease can bring out many strong emotions for caregivers. As the disease progresses, caregiving issues can often ignite or magnify family conflicts. Our strategies can help families cope with the situation together.

Dealing with Alzheimer’s can bring out many strong emotions. As the disease progresses, caregiving issues can often ignite or magnify family conflicts. The strategies below can help families cope with the situation together.

• Tips for families
• Resources

Tips for families

• Listen to each family member with respect.
  Coping with a progressive illness, such as Alzheimer’s, can be stressful — and not everyone reacts in the same way. Family members may have different opinions. Some relatives may deny what is happening; a long-distance relative may be resented for living far away; or there may be disagreement about financial and care decisions, especially at the end-of-life. These issues are complex and require ongoing discussions. Give everyone an opportunity to share their opinion and avoid blaming or attacking each other, as this will only cause more hurt.

Map out a plan to approach Alzheimer’s

There are many questions you’ll need to answer as you plan for the future. Use Alzheimer’s Navigator – our free online tool – to guide you as you map out your plan.
Learn more:
Alzheimer’s Navigator

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