Husband finds unexpected gift in wife’s Alzheimer’s disease journey

Husband finds unexpected gift in wife’s Alzheimer’s disease journey

Carlen Maddux saw the confidence of his wife, Martha, plunge to a depth he hadn’t seen when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease three weeks after she turned 50. His sister-in-law encouraged Martha to take a watercolor class; Martha’s previously unknown talent unfolded, and her confidence surged. Two years later, Martha’s painting abilities evaporated as quietly as they had emerged.

“Come on, Carlen,” Martha said. “Let’s get out there now!” My wife was anxious to see two of her paintings on exhibit in an art show on St. Pete Beach.

Martha scurried straight to her paintings when we walked through the door that Friday.

One of the pictures that Martha exhibited, a self-portrait. It hangs in our living room, where I’ve seen it thousands of times.

“Look, here they are,” she said, grabbing my hand. You’d think there were no other paintings in this show, I thought as I smiled. She beamed as she looked at them and then she showed me their price tags: $200 each. We returned Sunday afternoon to see if the paintings had sold. They had not, but that didn’t matter.

Eighteen months earlier, Martha had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. My wife was a confident woman. She’d served on the St. Petersburg City Council, run for the Florida Legislature and was active in other civic and political affairs—all while being the mother of three.

But after her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Martha’s confidence plunged to a depth I hadn’t seen. That was September 1997, just three weeks after she turned 50.

As Martha’s despondency dropped to a low ebb, our sister-in-law KK encouraged Martha to take a watercolor class together. This should be interesting, I remember thinking. She had never shown an interest in quiet hobbies like art. Martha liked action—dancing, tennis, singing, hiking and talking smack.

So I was surprised – stunned, really – when Martha said yes to taking the class. I think she agreed because she loved KK, and anyone who knew KK knew she could be persuasive. They started going to a watercolor class once a week at the St. Petersburg Art Center.

Her teacher Judi would hand Martha a sketch to paint, and Martha began to do so with such a complexity and boldness of color that reflected a dimension I had never seen in her before. I had no idea where that came from.

Neither did Judi, who pulled me aside one day. “Carlen, this can’t be taught,” she said of Martha’s use of color.

Martha painted scores of pictures large and small—turtles and fish in an orange-and-green sea; a multi-colored zebra; a blue-faced hippo walking atop an orange-and-yellow rainbow. You can see these and other paintings here.

What a delight to see this talent unfold out of a dark and scary place. Most of all, it was a joy to see Martha’s confidence surge.

As much as I enjoyed Martha’s artwork, I enjoyed hearing her talk about each piece even more, and seeing the glow in her face when she completed one. The lethargy so common with Alzheimer’s just melted away.

Our family in 1987, a decade before Martha’s diagnosis.

I remember Martha talking on the phone with our daughter Rachel, who was away at college. She was describing the art show, and was so excited and fluent. What a change.

And then, as quickly and quietly as they had emerged, after two years or so of painting, Martha’s desire and talent evaporated away. If it were only possible to bottle this confidence, I thought, as Martha’s mind slipped away to an unknown place.

A friend once told me to look for the little things that emerge and to be thankful for them. That was good advice, but it sure is hard to follow when you’re deep in a crisis like Alzheimer’s. Nonetheless, the memories of those two years of Martha and her art are warmly engraved in my heart.

About the Author: Carlen Maddux wrote a book about his family’s 17-year journey through Alzheimer’s. Just released, it’s titled: A Path Revealed: How Hope, Love, and Joy Found Us Deep in a Maze Called Alzheimer’s. Carlen also launched a blog in September 2015, which can be found at www.carlenmaddux.com.  

Inside: A special gift for Caregivers Month – Alzheimer’s Association.

Inside: A special gift for Caregivers Month – Alzheimer’s Association.

Show your support for caregivers with a special car magnet, yours today with your gift to the Alzheimer’s Association.
Last year, more than 15 million Americans provided an estimated 18.1 billion hours of unpaid care to those with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s can be overwhelming, so we take the opportunity to recognize these compassionate individuals every November as part of National Family Caregivers Month.

In honor of the unsung heroes of Alzheimer’s, please consider making a generous gift to the Alzheimer’s Association today. When you do, we’ll send you our special car magnet as a token of our appreciation. I hope you’ll display your magnet proudly to show your support for caregivers — and to let others know that you care deeply about the fight against Alzheimer’s.
Thank you,

Donna McCullough
Chief Development Officer
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P.S. Car magnet supplies are limited. Please don’t wait — show you care about the men and women on the front lines of the fight against Alzheimer’s with your gift today.

2016 Walk a success because of you!

2016 Walk a success because of you!

Over 16,000 people came out to fight Alzheimer’s at our 18 Walks across the state! Donations are still being counted and walkers still have until December 31 to fund-raise, but the 2016 Walk to End Alzheimer’s events have currently raised over $3.2 million! Thank you to everyone who participated and made each of the Walks a success. Take a look at great photos from all the Walks.

Ask your doctor the right questions about your Alzheimer’s diagnosis

Ask your doctor the right questions about your Alzheimer’s diagnosis

If you’ve received an Alzheimer’s disease diagnosis, it’s normal to be unsure of what questions to ask your doctor. You may need time to absorb the information and understand what it means for you and your family. Use the opportunity to ask your doctor questions about your diagnosis and your options.

Just Diagnosed

Receiving a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s is never easy — it’s life changing. It is normal to experience a range of emotions. Acknowledging your feelings can be an empowering first step in coping with the challenges ahead.

Emotions you may have

You noticed symptoms. You made a doctor’s appointment. You took tests. And you felt a roller coaster of emotions — fear, hope, despair, denial. Then you received a diagnosis. You may have felt numb, unsure of how to respond or where to turn.

 

“There was a sense of relief that I was able to name what was going on, but also it was a shock because I wasn’t expecting that my entire life was going to change within a few moments.”
Lou B., person living with Alzheimer’s

You also may be grieving over the present losses you are experiencing, or the expectation of future changes as the disease progresses. It can be helpful to identify and understand some of the emotions you may experience after receiving your diagnosis.

These emotions may include:

  • Anger. Your life is taking a different course than the one you and your family had planned. You cannot control the course of the disease.
  • Relief. The changes you were experiencing were cause for concern. A diagnosis validated these concerns by assigning a name to your symptoms.
  • Denial. The diagnosis seems impossible to believe. You may feel overwhelmed by how your life will change as a result of Alzheimer’s.
  • Depression. You may feel sad or hopeless about the way your life is changing.
  • Resentment. You may be asking yourself what you did to deserve your diagnosis or why this is happening to you and not someone else.
  • Fear. You may be fearful of the future and how your family will be affected.
  • Isolation. You may feel as if no one understands what you’re going through or lose interest in maintaining relationships with others.
  • Sense of loss. It may be difficult to accept changes in your abilities.

If these feelings linger week after week, you may be dealing with depression or anxiety. Feeling depressed or anxious about your diagnosis is common, but both can be successfully treated.
> Learn more about symptoms of depression

Taking care of your emotional needsback to top

Coming to terms with your diagnosis and the emotions you are feeling will help you accept your diagnosis, move forward, and discover new ways to live a positive and fulfilling life.

No two people deal with their diagnosis in exactly the same way. There is no right approach. Some days may be more difficult than others, but don’t be discouraged.
>> Learn coping tips

You are the only person who can change how you feel about your diagnosis. So it’s important to find healthy ways to deal with your emotions. This can be difficult at the beginning. But once you make the commitment to take care of your emotional needs, you may find that you can rise to the challenge and face your diagnosis. This is a new phase of your life, and you can choose to experience it with sense of connection to your emotional health.

When working through your feelings, try a combination of approaches. The following tips may be helpful:

  • Write down your thoughts and feelings about your diagnosis in a journal.
  • You may find your friends and family struggling with your diagnosis and their feelings. Learn more about how you can help family and friends.
  • Share your feelings with close family and friends. Speak open and honestly about your feelings.
  • Surround yourself with a good support system that includes individuals who are also living in the early stage of the disease and understand what you’re going through. Join our ALZConnected message boards or learn more about support programs.
  • Join an early-stage support group. It can provide you with a safe and supportive environment of peers. To find a support group in your area, check with your local Alzheimer’s Association chapter.
  • Talk to your doctor if you or others are concerned about your emotional well-being. Your doctor can determine the most appropriate treatment plan to address your concerns.
  • Seek help from a counselor or clergy member. He or she can help you to see things in a new way and help you understand more fully what you are feeling.
  • If you are feeling misunderstood or stereotyped because of your diagnosis, learn what you can do to overcome stigma.
  • Stay engaged. Continue to do the activities you enjoy for as long as you are able.
  • Take the time you need to feel sad, mourn and grieve.

You are not aloneback to top

A diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease can leave you feeling disconnected, isolated or abandoned from others. You may feel unsure of where to turn and that no one can possibly understand what you’re going through. People living with early-stage Alzheimer’s have stated that one of the most important lessons they learned early on in their diagnosis is this: they could not just wait for others to help them – they had to go out and help themselves to the best of their ability.

Dementia support

Whenever facing difficult times, having a good support network you can turn to for advice and encouragement may help you feel socially connected and give you a sense of belonging and purpose. Make sure your network includes other people who are living in the early stage of the disease. Connecting with others like you may help put your own experiences living with the disease in perspective, and provide you with the support and encouragement necessary to move beyond your diagnosis.
> Learn more about support programs
> Connect with others like you on our message boards

Questions for your doctorback to top

After receiving your diagnosis, it’s normal to leave your doctor’s office unsure of what questions to ask. You just received life-changing news, and you need time to absorb this information and understand what it means for you and your family.

Your doctor is an important member of your care team. Use the opportunity to ask your doctor questions about your diagnosis, all the available options, and the benefits and risks of each choice you make.

You may be asking: “How do I know what to ask my doctor?”

Members of our Alzheimer’s Association National Early-Stage Advisory Group have shared their own experiences and questions they wish they had asked their doctors. You may find this information helpful as you develop your own list of questions.

Download these questions and others as a PDF

Example questions:

The diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease

  1. What test(s) or tools did you use to determine my diagnosis?
  2. What are you measuring with the tests you performed?

Alzheimer’s disease

  1. How will the disease progress?
  2. What can I expect in the future?

Treatments

  1. What treatment options are available?
  2. Which symptoms are being targeting by each medication?

Clinical trials

  1. What clinical trials are available?
  2. Where can I find published information about clinical treatment studies?

Care team

  1. How familiar are you with Alzheimer’s disease? Will you be managing my care going forward?
  2. If I need to be hospitalized, will you be able to provide care in this setting?

Care and support

  1. What resources are available to help me learn more about my diagnosis? My family?
  2. What support services are available to help me live well with the disease, for as long as possible?

Thank you to our ALZ Stars

Thank you to our ALZ Stars

A heartfelt thank you to our 187 ALZ Stars who ran in the Bank of America Chicago Marathon on Sunday, October 9! So far, this amazing team has raised over $318,000 to end Alzheimer’s. Consider making a donation to this talented team or check their progress and they continue to fundraise. Do YOU want to race towards a world without Alzheimer’s? ALZ Stars applications for guaranteed 2017 Chicago Marathon entries open on October 25!